BLIA YAD Check-In – An Open Discussion on Managing Stress and Overcoming Negative Self-Talk
Since April 2022, BLIA YAD and Fo Guang Club (FGC) committee members have been organising the monthly Check-In event. Apart from having a literal check-in to make sure the participating members are coping well with their lives; the event also aims to introduce and reinforce Buddhism Dharma teachings. On 6th May 2022, the second session of YAD Check-In was held online via Zoom with approximately 11 members.
The event started with ‘Photo of Your Life Challenge’ ice-breaking session hosted by the President of YAD Subdivision 2, Thomas Lai. Every participant was encouraged to upload a collage or a photo depicting their life moments before the session. The photos were then shared with the participating members one by one on that day, while the owner of each photo described their submissions creatively. Subsequently, Thomas shared some photos of recent events organised by the Temple, such as Buddha’s Birthday Celebration, Gifting Prince Siddhartha to Children who had taken refuge in the Triple Gem, Open Christchurch and the refurbishment of Prince Siddhartha Exhibition.
Up next, the YAD members were fortunate to have the President of BLIA North Island Subchapter 1, Meggan Lam, joining the session and discussing about mental health with members. Apart from her temple portfolio, she is a practising clinical psychologist in Counties Manukau with over 30 years of experience in the field. The sharing took place in a forum setting, which was being hosted by FGC committee member, Edwin Teoh. When Meggan was asked to share about stress development amongst youth members, she said that a main cause of stress was due to the presence of a ruler in our minds. We are actively measuring and comparing ourselves with others, or to fit ourselves into a so-called ‘pre-set standard of success’, especially when we are not quite there yet.
A number of youth members found themselves not being able to deliver their best performance when they are under a lot of stress, be it a job interview, a presentation in front of audience or an academic exam. “It’s due to anxiety building up in the frontal lobes of our brain, causing it to recognise that we are facing a stressful situation. When it gets too much, our frontal lobes will shut down, leading to mind blanking, which is exactly why deep breathing is important as it helps to regulate the amount of stress and prompt the brain to open up again,” Meggan said. In addition, Edwin and Meggan also had an extensive discussion on the presence of negative self-dialogue. Meggan had provided two solutions to overcome excessive negative self-talk. First, we have to surround ourselves with good affinities and open up regarding negative self-talk with the people whom we trust, so that they can help to wind down on our worries. Secondly, as what Buddhism suggests, we have to develop self-awareness on our own thoughts. We know the best on where our normal range of thoughts sit, and we will need to be careful when more outliers start to arise.
The YAD Check-In event was wrapped up in a motivating tone with venerables’ sharing. Venerable NengChang reminded the youths to equip ourselves with the right understanding and right thought. Once we have these, we are one step closer to self-mastery and will be able to shine a light to others. Venerable NengChien shared that she personally experienced an intense period of negative self-talk, and she managed to walk out of the dark period by expressing gratitude. It’s crucial for us to have a growth mindset, which converts crumbling under criticism to accepting constructive feedback. This switch of mindset can propel us to shoulder more responsibility and be able to take up more stress. Through learning from Abbess, venerables and a good network of Dharma friends, we should feel grateful, and this feeling gives us more strength to march towards a luminous future.